How to Stay Grounded When Triggered
The Facts-Over-Feelings Approach to Leadership
Sarah sat in the conference room as Chris challenged her project timeline in front of the executive team. Her chest tightened.
Her mind immediately went to familiar territory: He's trying to undermine me. He doesn't respect my authority. He's making me look incompetent in front of everyone.
Her instinct was to defend herself, to prove she was on top of this, to push back against what felt like a personal attack.
But Sarah didn't realise she had a choice.
She could let her feelings drive her response - almost guaranteeing conflict. Or she could notice her feelings while responding to the facts: Chris had questioned the timeline, and as project lead, it was her role to manage it.
The Feelings Problem
When someone's behaviour triggers us, we don't just feel something. Our feelings drive our reaction.
What happened: Chris raised concerns about the project timeline in a meeting Sarah's feelings: Anger at Chris, frustration at herself Her instinctive reaction: Defend and prove she was on top of it
And that's where lots of leaders get themselves into trouble - they inadvertently add fuel to a triggered fire instead of using their most powerful tool: calm, clear facts.
Grounded Leadership = Fact-Finding First
The most effective leadership move in these moments is to respond to facts, not feelings. Feelings can drag us into defensiveness and conflict. Facts keep us grounded, effective, and focused on solutions.
Here's how Sarah could have handled the same situation:
Feelings-based response: He's undermining me - I need to defend myself and prove I'm on top of this
Facts-based response: Chris, you've raised some concerns about our timeline. What specific issues are you seeing that we need to address?
What's great about this approach is that if Chris genuinely has concerns, you can address them. And if Chris is playing games, he'll struggle to respond to the facts.
Why This Feels More Authentic
When you respond to facts instead of feelings:
Deal with reality, not drama
Speak directly, not perform confidence
Stay engaged, not shut down
Solve problems, not imagined battles
The key is acknowledging the complete picture: the facts (what actually happened), the feelings (your emotional response), and the likely reaction (what those feelings drive you to do).
From here we make the informed choice.
The Result: Grounded and Effective
When you focus on facts over feelings, you stop reacting and start responding.
You're not pretending you don't have reactions; you're recognising them as part of your internal experience while choosing to respond to what actually happened rather than what your feelings are pushing you to do.
Grounded leadership means feeling your feelings, but choosing your response based on reality - not on the push of emotion.
What situation at work could you ground in facts this week, instead of getting caught in your feelings?
