Escape the Helper Trap

You're staying late again, fixing what your team should have caught. Tomorrow you'll have three more fires to put out that somehow became 'your' problems. And you're starting to wonder: How did I become responsible for everything?

Here's how: You kept doing what made you successful before you became a leader: Jumping in when something went wrong. Solving problems fast. Cleaning up quietly behind the scenes. Saying yes because it felt easier than slowing down to explain.

Each time you step in, you don't just reinforce their dependency — you chip away at your own leadership confidence.

You start to wonder:

• Am I doing enough?

• Why am I the only one holding this together?

• Why won't they step up?

But here's the truth: They're not stepping up because they don't have to. Your helping is doing the heavy lifting for them.

It's not that you're failing as a leader. It's that the way you're helping is keeping you stuck in over-functioning and keeping your team stuck in under-developing.

This is the Helper Trap — and I've seen it quietly burn out even the most capable leaders.

You jump in to help → They rely on you → You lose confidence in them → You jump in again

But the more you help, the more they rely on you. The more they rely on you, the more overwhelmed you feel. And the less confident you become in your leadership.

The Uncomfortable Truth

Here's what no one tells you: Escaping the Helper Trap will feel harder before it gets easier.

When you stop jumping in, your team might push back. Things might slow down. They might get frustrated and so will you.

And that's the moment most leaders give up.

But that discomfort isn't failure, it's growing pains. Your team is flexing muscles they haven't used. You're leading, not rescuing.

And that's the difference.

From Helpful to Empowering

You don't need to stop caring. But you do need to stop doing it all for them.

The shift: From solving the problem → to building their capacity to solve it

That means:

• Asking coaching-style questions instead of jumping in

• Setting clear expectations instead of quietly fixing

• Saying no to what's not yours, so you can lead what is

And just as importantly:

• Sitting with the discomfort when they don't get it right straight away

• Communicating why you're leading differently

• Celebrating progress over perfection, even if it's slower than you'd like

Because the goal isn't to be the hero. It's to grow a team that doesn't need one.

The Guilt Factor

You'll feel it. The guilt. That quiet pull to rescue… "just this once."

It's not a flaw. It's proof you care.

But caring and rescuing are not the same thing.

The most caring thing you can do? Help your team become capable without you hovering.

When guilt hits, remember: Short-term struggle builds long-term strength.

One Question That Changes Everything

Before you jump in, pause and ask: "Is this making them more capable — or more dependent?"

If it's the latter, try this instead:

• What have you already tried?

• What do you think the next step is?

• What would you do if I weren't available?

How You'll Know It's Working

You won't be counting how many fires you've put out.

You'll start noticing how many your team now handles challenges or prevents problems without you.

That's when you know you've escaped the trap. And become the leader they actually need.