Lead Well Tuesday: How to Handle Gossip Without Creating Drama
A leadership conversation framework that works
Every leader hits this moment: you have a team member who genuinely cares about the team but also tends to gossip or bring up old issues. You know it’s affecting the culture — and you know you need to say something.
But you’re walking a tightrope: how do you be clear without causing drama?
Here’s the thing: you don’t need to tiptoe. You need a steady, respectful conversation that acknowledges their value while gently redirecting the unhelpful pattern.
Why Leaders Put This Off — and Why It Matters
When someone is both sensitive and stuck in this behaviour, many leaders fall into one of two traps:
Avoiding the conversation altogether (hoping it’ll blow over)
Over-softening the message (trying not to cause a reaction)
Neither works. Avoidance allows the behaviour to continue. Over-softening leaves them unclear on what needs to change.
And in the meantime? You’re carrying the load.
You’re mentally monitoring what they say in meetings
You’re replaying conversations in your head
You’re spending emotional energy navigating around them instead of leading the team
That hidden mental load adds up. It drains your focus, undermines your confidence, and takes you away from the leadership work that really matters.
A Better Way: The Keep / Shift / Try Framework
This framework comes from my Essential Leadership Skills workshop, where we help leaders have empowered conversations — the kind that build clarity without creating tension.
It helps you hold your leadership presence and stay kind without being vague.
Start with something simple and steady:
I wanted to check in about something that’s been coming up in the team — I’ve noticed a few patterns that I need to talk through with you. It’s important we’re working in a way that supports the whole team.
Then move into Keep / Shift / Try:
KEEP – Acknowledge their intention
I can see that you care about the team, and that you’re really tuned in to what’s going on around you. That kind of awareness can be a real strength.
SHIFT – Call Out the Real Issue
What I’d like to shift is how some of those observations are being shared — especially when they’re brought up with others or linked to past issues. It can start to feel like gossip, and that makes it harder for the team to stay focused and positive.
TRY – Offer a clear alternative
If something isn’t sitting right with you, bring it straight to me. I’d much rather have a direct, honest conversation than have things passed around the team. And let’s focus on what we can actually influence now — not keep going over what’s already happened
Close with clarity and care:
I want you to feel heard — and I also need us to create a team culture that’s respectful and focused on moving forward. I’m here to support that, and I need your help in making it happen.
When They Get Defensive
If they become upset or shut down, don’t backpedal or fill the space. Just stay calm and grounded.
I can see this matters to you — and that’s why I want to have the conversation. We both want the team to do well, and this is part of that.
Why This Works
This conversation works because it:
Validates their intentions (they care, they’re observant)
Names the pattern clearly (without making it personal)
Gives a practical next step (not just “stop that”)
Models leadership presence (you’re calm, clear, and anchored)
The Leadership Mindset Shift
Being a great leader doesn’t mean avoiding discomfort — it means being able to navigate it skillfully.
You’re not trying to change who someone is. You’re guiding how they show up, so their care for the team becomes constructive — not disruptive.
Key Takeaways
Don’t delay — address patterns early before they become culture
Use structure — Keep / Shift / Try gives you a calm, fair approach
Don’t take on their emotional reaction — stay steady
Be specific — offer a better way forward, not just critique
Communicate like a leader — grounded, kind, and clear
Want more practical tools like this?
The Essential Leadership Skills workshop gives you the frameworks to lead tough conversations with less fear and more clarity — without turning everything into a performance review.
